Cherry poppers
by falconpilot
Summary: Flippy and Splendid bit off a bit too much to chew at their attempt with romantic affairs. (Rated M for foul language and references)
1. Uneasiness

**Oh. Dear. God.**

**I have fallen far back on my planned schedule! So here's the uber late response to the Splendid x Flippy x Flaky request by Dreamy Loner! Please excuse the potential farfetchedness of this fic, and the lack of any legitimate shipping here.**

**Disclaimers: I don't own HTF, jokes, words, scenarios, yada yada yada… and I can't write any lemons… are you happy now you goddamn site patrollers? (Presses play)**

.

Flippy looked out of the window of his two story house, observing that soul that he has wanted to ask out since the day he spotted her. He watched in a half daydream as the red porcupine skipped merrily down the street, still being in her own timid mind as she stopped at the smallest sound emitted from the surrounding environment. The said figure was Flaky, everyone's favourite porcupine in town.

Flippy, being lost in his daydream, began to drool before he snapped out of his trance as he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. Turning around to face, he identified the following as Splendid, his friend tagging along with him.

"Hey bud," Splendid asked, "How's the word?"

"Ahh! Hu…" Flippy mumbled, "Oh, hey Splendid."

"So what's going on?" Splendid repeated indirectly, before he predicted his friends answer by observing facial expressions. "Oh, is it about her again?"

"YES!" Flippy blurted out abruptly, "It's Flaky and I can't seem to get it through!"

"Hmm," the blue figure thought, "I think it's viable if you at least talk to her, have you tried it yet?"

"N-no," Flippy stuttered, in half embarrassment, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Well no matter," Splendid chuckled, pulling out a pair of high powered telescopic binoculars and walking onto the balcony, "It's the talking that counts- you can drool all day and still get scat. Just think of it as military jargon talk, ok?"

"Oh, alright," Flippy responded sceptically, trailing behind.

Splendid stood up on the edge of the balcony with the widest field of view towards the street, hoping to be able to catch a glimpse of Flaky in order to feed his friend with the data he needs for their stalkery attempt. He observed in the direction the porcupine passed to, adjusting the lens to try and get a good focus on the target.

As hard as he attempted however, Flaky was long out of sight. A tap on his shoulder caused him to jolt his binoculars up towards the sun while his eyes were still through it, causing him to be blinded white for the brief moment as the squirrel attempted to pick himself up from the gravel.

"No need for that, she's right there!" Flippy pointed, clearly towards Flaky whom was walking in the opposite direction from their observation field of view.

"What the.." Splendid mumbled before actually talking, "Ok, alright, you know the plan, go in and take in the reel, got that?!"

"On it," Flippy replied, running into the house and coming back out a moment later, with a fishing rod and a cookie attached to the hook.

"Flippy, what are you doing?" Splendid asked in confusion and shock at his preparation.

"I thought you told me to take in the reel," Flippy replied flatly, "Isn't a fishing rod what we use to reel catch in?"

"What- NO!" Splendid lashed out abruptly, taking Flippy back by surprise, "It's a figure of speech, ok? Now get out there and talk to her if you want to start a relation or such!"

"Figure of-?" Flippy started before quickly changing his mind, "Oh screw it, I'm gonna do this, manly or not!"

"That's the spirit!" Splendid cheered on, taking position near a window, "Now get out there and score some chickas!"

Noticing that his companion wasn't following him, the veteran asked, "Hey wait a minute, aren't you coming with me?"

"Nope…" Splendid whistled flatly to his green pal.

"Don't friends help out others in need-"

"Hey, if I ask her, she's mine." Splendid pointed out rather accurately.

"Alright, alright, I'll do it, jeez…" Flippy groaned out the door, feigning a look of happiness as he opened the door.

Splendid watched carefully as the plot unfolded, sort of like a spy hiding in some sort of dark corner that no one else except for himself notices. However, even he knows that he is only able to evaluate, as there's no way for him to control his friends mental instincts, at the moment being at least. Prying the window open quietly, he hoped the crack allowed the passage of sound to his ears without being noticed too obviously.

"Hello Flippy!" Flaky smiled and waved at the green figure in camouflage as he moved closer to her before stopping.

"hhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooeeeeeeee….." Flippy babbled, unable to find his voice as his mouth foamed up in front of his desired love interest.

"Um…" Flaky stammered, backing off at Flippy's strange behaviour, "Are you quite alright? Do you need me to-"

Just as Flaky said the partial sentence to his ears, Flippy lost himself and his personal manners, vomiting his lunch all over Flaky, managing to strike her in the face and shirt with his 'recycled' food as he stumbled on carelessly unaware.

"Gross!" Flaky cried, running off down the street and trying to rub the filthy pieces off herself.

Splendid, noticing that his friend was still not well from his perching position, quickly jumped off from the window and landed onto the flowerbed. Taking a quick pace over, the blue one gave Flippy a good smack in the head from the vertical, jolting him back into reality.

"So how did that go?" Flippy asked, unsure of his progress.

"It wasn't pretty," Splendid explained, "But I think you vomited all over her in the process."

"Did I?" Flippy remarked, hoping for a dirty joke.

"Yep, check your mouth, that explains all." Splendid assured, giving solid proof as Flippy wiped his mouth.

"Goddamnit!" Flippy wailed, sobbing slightly, "Now I'll never get to date her, not after what happened!"

"Keep trying, keep trying…" Splendid patted gently, trying to hide his sigh of frustration. "And maybe try to ask someone that has had experience with such issues before…"

.

**Later…**

.

"Two please." the person in front of Flippy remarked to the cafeteria lady, who was serving out lunch to the people in line. He still kept his posture low at the moment, still feeling bad for blowing the moment of truth in front of his friend.

Noticing that it was his turn in line, Flippy walked forward to the cafeteria lady to give her his order, but Splendid beat him to the tongue on this occasion.

"Today's meatball special," Splendid ordered, "And no jam please."

"Here they are." she replied almost immediately, handing him a gray cafeteria pan with his brownish meatballs in two pairs of white plates. The said following was Giggles' Mom, the taller and more mature counterpart of her daughter.

Before walking off, Flippy suddenly remembered what Splendid told him earlier of searching for someone that could provide useful help from experience. Even though he was unsure if the lunch lady even had any experience, the green figure decided to give it a shot, seeing that she was open minded from previous experiences, while being a mother at the same time, would let him safely conclude that she must have had some sort of experience with relationship matters.

"Hey, just one thing," Flippy asked, eyeing around the cafeteria before looking back at the pink figure, "Do you have a moment to spare?"

"I guess," She shrugged, with the sign of a faint smile on her lips, "What do you need?"

"I need to ask, uh," Flippy stumbled as he noticed that Splendid was watching, before he managed to find his sentence almost a second late. "It's about your daughter, Giggles."

"What about her?" she piped back.

"Well, uh…" Flippy stammered again, before pulling up his question again, "Are you Giggles' biological mother?"

"She was conceived from a donor," the cafeteria manager replied flatly, rubbing the back of her head, "I guess we got lucky when she turned out so similarly deadpan to me after the insemination process."

"Oh ok, then never mind," Flippy shrugged, walking off slowly as he continued on, "I was just going to ask if you have any advice for relationships, seeing that you had a daughter."

"Relationships?" she repeated, perking up at the word and laughing at the same time. "I can tell you tons about relationships, why didn't you just say so?"

"Okay then," Flippy lit up again, taking a deep breath. Splendid took a quick glance at him and the watch on his wrist, signalling him to hurry up so they could have lunch. "I was just wondering if you know anything about getting a girl to like me."

"Laughing, the mother said, "Oh, that's simple! All you have to do is break her hymen."

"The hy-what?" Splendid attempted to pronounce the new word, with no luck.

"I'm sorry miss, but what's this 'hymen' thing you speak of?" Flippy asked again, scratching his head in uncertainty.

"Well um," the mother constrained, attempting an answer appropriately simple for the novices, "A 'hymen' is a sheet of organic material that breaks when a firm rod strikes it hard enough, thereby causing a 'penetration'."

"Please elaborate," Splendid and Flippy requested, being now indulged into the subject.

"Uhhm…" she thought, being unable to give a friendly explanation to the males, looked around for any objects in the kitchen. She walked off the counter, taking a potato, some gravy and thick cottage cheese from the kitchen before walking back to proceed with the elaboration. "Allow me to visualize."

Holding the potato in her no dominant right hand, she dipped her left hand into the tub of gravy she carried over before sticking out her middle finger and jamming it into the bruised part of the baked potato, forcing it hard enough so that her middle ring finger can get to the other side of the vegetable. Letting go of the potato with the dominant hand, she took the tube of cottage cheese, squeezing a large portion onto the tip of her middle finger, but accidentally squeezed a particle worth off coordination, shooting it into one of her green irises, and forcing her to shake her head while squeezing her affected eye shut.

"Ohhhh…" the men observed in amazement, as if they had seen an extraterrestrial. "What el-"

"HEY!" an angry voice shouted from the back, "YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE GODDAMN LUNCH LINE, FAGS!"

"Ugh," the pink figure sighed, cleaning up the mess she made, "Well, that's all the sex education I can give for today. Next up!"

"Ok, thanks miss," Flippy walked off quickly away from the brewing conflict, and looking for his own lunch table. "That information was helpful, I'll definitely consider it next time!"

"Laters," she replied as she slapped on the slop for the next person in line.

.

After a quick meal in the cafeteria, the pair set off again, deemed to look for more information about this 'breaking the hymen' process. Flippy was willing to break almost anything, however, to get a relationship initialized.

"Where are we going to find more information about this 'breaking the hymen' thing?" Flippy asked out loud, kicking a stone at his feet. "I'm still not sure over the potato-penetration-cheese ordeal."

"I don't know, I'm not a nerd that studies at a library all day," Splendid defended.

"Why don't we use a boxy white thingy that displays graphical images to help us instead?" Flippy suggested.

"A computer?" Splendid simplified, rubbing his chin. "You know, that might just work."

A quick walk across the street took them to their local library, being supervised by the halfwitted moose, Lumpy. As they walked in, the moose gave them a hard 'shh!' as the door creeked slightly, disturbing the nearly vacuum of space inside the orderly environment.

Sitting down at one of the computers, Flippy depressed the small power button on the monitor, sparking the screen to life. Double clicking on the Internet Explorer icon brought up Google, the default search engine of the library computers for ease of access.

"OK, let's see now…" Flippy mumbled to himself and Splendid indirectly, clicking on the search box, "I think she said, 'Breaking the hymen', right?"

"Yep," Splendid looped, helping his green pal punch some keys to input the data they desired and hitting the search button, bringing up the list of results for their search.

"Huh, let's see, 58 million results for 'breaking the hymen'," Flippy reported, scrolling down the browser page, before taking a notice at the suggestions box, "Huh, what's this? 'Did you mean: Popping your cherry?' what does that mean?"

"I don't know…" Splendid frowned, "Maybe it can help you to deeper extents, try it."

"Alright…" Flippy replied, clicking on the blue words with reluctance, showing up the next round of results. "Ah, 782 million results for 'Popping your cherry'."

"Dude, how can we search through all 782 million before we die?!" Splendid quipped at the seemingly infinite sum of pages brought up for them to observe.

"Eh, I think I'm just gonna click the 'I'm feeling lucky' button and see what comes up," Flippy strategized, "As long as we find what we need then it's all good."

"Well, alright," Splendid mumbled, watching the screen as the screen loaded up a new webpage.

"Let's see now," Flippy read out loud from the screen, "Welcome to , your site of online pleasuring adventures. By clicking 'OK', you agree to enter the page, beholding the disgusting acts that may disturb you for life."

"Click it, it can't be that bad," Splendid said, taking the mouse and clicking the red 'OK' button.

Watching as a movie clip loaded, they watched in amusement as the video screen turned from black to colour, where two figures, a male and a female in the nude, were pressing each other on a bed, engaging in a short kissing session before the man moved on to sliding his length into her and starting the act.

"OH, DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" Splendid cursed out loud as he retreated slightly from his chair, ignoring the fact that he broke the silence rule.

"I don't know!" Flippy held back, trying to cover his eyes, "But this is clearly a horror movie!"

"Why do you insist?!" Splendid wailed, trying to calm down a bit, only earning another 'hush' from Lumpy.

"Dude, that lady is clearly getting stabbed between the legs with that thing of his!" Flippy informed, trying to observe the outcome and keeping his fragile mentality intact, "And she's clearly bleeding from it and- hey wait a minute, what is she doing now?!"

Flippy can only watch as the lady stuck her tongue down the urethra of the man. While he had no idea what it meant, the wave hit him like a fifty pound slap in the chest, causing him to fall out of his seat without his body's content. Splendid soon followed, unable to withstand what his frail mind just withheld in the moment being.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" both cursed, inciting Lumpy to give a more solid 'hush' to them this time unlike the previous.

"Turn it off, turn it off!" Flippy instructed, with the blue squirrel snapping into reaction almost instantaneously.

"I can't, I can't!" Splendid quipped, trying to click the red 'X' button, to no avail. "The 'X' button is grayed out!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Flippy shrieked, losing his temper as he smashed his fist through the monitor, cracking it nearly in half at his over the top reaction to a virtual video. He quickly grabbed his blue friend by the hand, hauling him out of the library by brute force alone.

"SCREW IT, I'M LEAVING BEFORE WE GET SCREWED… in our heads!" Flippy panted, clearly referring to the video they just watched as he dashed blindly onto the streets.

"I heard that!" Splendid affirmed, ignoring the fact that he was being dragged.

The pair continued until Flippy accidentally lost coordination and knocked over a lady walking on their shared sidewalk, sending her objects tumbling out onto the concrete with them following it. Flippy pulled himself up quickly and helped the lady get up, while Splendid got her purse for her.

"Terribly sorry miss," Flippy apologized sympathetically, dusting her off and handing over the purse, it's just that-"

He paused as he managed to get a clear look at her face. It was that stark moment when he realized that it was Flaky, standing right in front of him.

.

**Well? How is it so far? Terribly sorry if this isn't the type of romance desired, but I'll fix it if you want me to write something else of the genre.**

**Reviews are welcome- it will help improvement and the future chapters greatly.**

**Take care people, and happy summer! :)**


	2. Tensions

**Note: Well, time to update this thing. Sorry if it came late again, but my computer broke down and the one I'm using is straight out of the recycling ._.**

**Warning: Long timeframe ahead- just to let you know before you get confused.**

**Disclaimers: I don't own HTF, jokes, plots, words, blah blah blah….**

.

Flippy, seeing that it was Flaky, inched away from her with the purse, only to come back into his starting position and to freeze only a centimeter away from her grasp, provoking Splendid into a state of heightened readiness and his own mentality to function at a reduced functionality..

"T-thanks," Flaky chuckled nervously, reaching her hand out to retreive her property, but Flippy held surprisingly firm, much against her expectations.

Frowning, she asked, "Is there a problem?"

"hhhaaaaagggggggggeoooooooooo…." Flippy babbled again, not trying to notice or contain the hot bile rising up his esophagus.

While Flaky inched away slightly in disgust of Flippy's actions and wanted to avoid a re-enactment of what happened a few days ago, Splendid snapped into action quickly, remembering the catastrophic results of the previous episode. The blue figure gave his friend a meaningful smack across the face, but upon seeing that his actions were not adequate for the situation at hand, Splendid hauled out a fistful of pennies and dished the entire serving onto Flippy's face, effectively knocking him over and stopping the bile shot.

"Guh, what was that for?" Flippy asked, groaning off the ground.

"Vomit prevention maneuvers." Splendid reacted nonchalantly.

"Uhh, thanks I guess," Flippy shook, taking a look at his hand holding the purse and at Flaky, who was still wearing a shocked look on her face. "Now where was I?"

"Yous were in the middle of handing your love her property." Splendid mouthed out loud in a silly tone of his, earning him yet another shocked look from Flaky.

"Oh right…" Flippy remembered, handing over the purse, only to stop again a centimeter away from her.

Sighing, the blue squirrel took his arm into his grasp, as if trying to teach a toddler to walk, "Hand it over, and no bile shots this time."

"O-okay," Flippy stuttered, now his turn to be nervous. He inched over slowly again, only to stop a centimeter away from the porcupine. However, when Flaky reached out to retrieve it, it wasn't attached so firmly to his hand, earning her a sigh of relief.

Splendid, however, nudged Flippy sternly when he saw him about to turn around and leave the scene. His friend gave him a puzzled look, to which he only replied with, "Do it."

"Do what?" Flippy repeated, forgetting the entire purpose of this interaction with Flaky.

"Remember that chat with the cafeteria lady?" Splendid reminded, "You gotta break that h-thingy in order get her to like you, was this not correct?"

"Right right right…" Flippy mumbled, but still unsure at the same time, "But how do I do that? Where do I find a potato, cheese and-"

"JUST DO IT!" Splendid cursed, pointing at the red figure who was already walking in the other direction.

"Ok, OK! I'm going!" Flippy dismissed simultaneously, taking off to jog after Flaky already.

With a short jog down half the block, Flippy quickly caught up with the female, his superior military training coming into play. He approached her from the left side, giving her a gentle tap on the shoulder that surprised the heavens out of her as she jumped around to face the war veteran.

"I-er," Flippy stammered, trailing off sentence to find what he was about to say, before he saw Splendid pop up behind Flaky, giving him a frown and a few hand gestures. "How to I break the hymen?"

"What? Why do you need to know about that?" Flaky questioned, puzzling herself over the outlandishness of the question. Splendid silently face palmed himself over the tactical failure his friend performed, causing Flippy to tense up again.

"Wait wait, never mind that," Flippy shook, trying to get Flaky's attention again, "I just need to tell- er, I mean ask you something important for this moment."

"Well, what do you need to say?" Flaky asked back.

Looking over at Splendid from behind Flaky's shoulder, Splendid shot him a glare and a quick nod, silently telling him to 'Drop the payload, and go in for the kill'. However, still not feeling the right timing yet, Flippy just drooled, much to Splendid's disappointment and against Flaky's patience.

"Oh, right," Flippy snapped to life abruptly, against the expectations of the two, "I was gonna ask if you would, uhm, go out on a date with me sometime, you know…"

"Go out?! With you?" Flaky questioned, her face shifting to different feelings as Flippy watched nervously, begging that nothing went wrong, "Why of course I will! In fact, I've been waiting for this moment my whole life!"

Flippy gave an exasperated sigh of relief, earning him a smile from Splendid plus his own feeling of accomplishment. He happily took Flaky's smaller hand as she pulled him off merrily to her own direction and objective, not caring where she was going to go, as long as he was with her.

"Well come on, we gotta go shopping, to the movies, or maybe even have my friends-" Flaky jittered excitedly as they passed a corner to an unresponsive Flippy, who was simply indulged with his own pride of accomplishment.

Splendid, on the other hand, did not follow the two in their merry ways, only sat back smiling and feeling proud for himself, as he decided that he was the main influential figure in this scenario, disregarding the sex education Giggles' Mom taught them.

'Maybe not for me this time, but it will be someday…' the squirrel daydreamed in a lush state of mentality.

.

**Three weeks later…**

.

Flippy sighed heavily, feeling a sense of insecurity, shame and uneasiness as he entered the Fork and Plate diner, the finest diner in his town. While he really didn't mind being at the diner to eat a meal or so, doing it with Flaky was a totally different scenario, based off of what has happened through the past three weeks. He found the closest empty seat and plopped into hit heavily, exhausted.

The current problem for the veteran wasn't trying to get closer with his new girlfriend, but was more of trying to get some distance from her. While he did admit that he was pretty happy at first when Flaky constantly kept in touch with him, it eventually became a nuisance when he was being called every single day, not being left alone for even a single hour. He can't recall anything he did that he did to set off this chain of events, or maybe Flaky is really really attached to any of her lovers.

So here he is now, squatting at the diner with his fine clothes on, ready to take the full brunt of what laid ahead for him for tonight.

As Flippy was about to call out the waiter passing by, he quickly noticed that it was Giggles' Mom, mostly from her taller figure out of everyone else in the diner. The latter was quick to spot the bear as well, and he acknowledged this as she waved a hand as she walked over to his table.

"Hello Flippy!" she smiled as she walked over to him. It was only then that Flippy noticed that she was dressed more elaborately for working at the following restaurant, her uniform looking much more organized and wrinkle free. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, hello miss," Flippy reacted, much less enthusiastic against her lively tone.

"What's going on so far?" she questioned, not aware of his unhappiness.

"Bad, bad events." he truthfully told the waitress.

"What? How come?" the mother questioned, not aware where his troubles laid, but yet still nonetheless concerned.

"It's about Flaky, the new girlfriend of mine." he replied, much quicker this time.

"What? Are you not happy for asking her out and going out with her?" she asked.

"Well, initially I was," Flippy sighed, combing back a hair on his head, "But then she got overly attached and won't stop calling me or leaving me alone all together."

Chuckling again, Giggles' Mom only mentored to him, "What's so hard about that? All you have to do is to talk with her, or in the worst case, say that you're breaking up."

"How do I do that? Every time I try to talk with her, all she does is cut me-" Flippy questioned, laying his head down on the desk. He was about to finish his sentence when he saw a familiar red figure, a red figure symbolizing grief, coming near the front door. "Oh, no, no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Here she comes!"

While Flippy slammed his head down on the table and held his hands over the back to expect for the worst, the waitress took a quick look at the shorter figure walking into the restaurant towards Flippy's table. She quickly took in note of her apparent over-attachment to Flippy, as she was wearing a somewhat freaky smile while dressed in a formal white dress. She wasted no time as she walked over and sat down at the second seat of the desk.

"Hello Flippy!" Flaky squealed in an abnormally high pitched voice, sort of like the tone of an obsessed fan girl.

"H-h-hi." Flippy managed through the sobs of grief, still keeping his head down.

'Interesting' Giggles' Mom thought, taking down a mental note. "So what can I get you two?"

"Just get me out of here…" Flippy croaked in a barely audible voice that sounded like a groan to Flaky, but an actual order to the waitress.

"Some drinks would be just fine." Flaky ordered, this time in a much more irritated tone against the waiter compared to her normal voice against Flippy.

As the waitress walked out of sight, Flaky continued her nagging session against Flippy. "I'm back, hun! Did you miss me?!"

"Not really" Flippy squeaked again, in a still barely audible voice as he got his face off the table.

"What was that you say?" she piped, still wearing a ridiculously wide smile and large eyes that sent chills down Flippy's spine and throughout his body.

Gulping down a deep breath that filled his lungs, he proceeded to vent the exhale out, readying him better for his about to come speech. "Flaky, I think we need to talk."

As if she didn't know what the question was, she cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

Inhaling again, Flippy repeated his request, "Flaky, I said that It's best if we ta-"

"Here's the drinks you two ordered, enjoy." the waitress came back, carrying two martinis in a pan. While Flaky didn't catch the eye of it, Flippy clearly noticed the quick wink she gave him as she rotated the plate around 180 degrees and placing it in the center of the table.

"Thanks," Flaky gritted, snapping a twig in her head as she heard her voice. She wanted to be alone with him, and wanted Flippy to be away from the influence of any other females as they were alone.

Flippy chugged down the small martini's alcoholic beverage in one go, feeling the alcohol relax his nerves a bit. "Like I said, we need to talk. Ever since our initial encounter three weeks ago, you've never let me off the hook to even let me perform my own daily tasks."

"Why aren't you wearing your camouflage?" Flaky asked, trying to steer away from the subject Flippy is demanding the audience from.

"Look, I hated that camouflage," Flippy explained, rubbing his temples, "That thing was made in the late 1980s. I only have it because I find it to be a cheap wear instead of actual clothes. Also, this is a friggen diner!"

Flaky only nodded, raising up her martini to take a sip. At the same moment, Giggles' Mom came over to Flippy to pretend to ask for their orders again, going as part to plan.

"Anything else, ladies and gentlemen?" she asked, holding a notepad and pencil this time.

""You!" Flaky abruptly snapped, pointing a finger at the waitress, "I thought you were done with the ordering."

"I was merely checking up if you folks wanted anything el-"

She was cut off as Flaky drew out her FN Five-Seven pistol at her abdomen and squeezed the trigger quickly. The barrel cracked, dispatching a projectile at the waitress and sent her to the floor. At the same time, the drugs in the sabotaged martini took effect, causing Flaky to pass out cold. Flippy only stood to watch, too shocked to say anything.

"What are you waiting for?" the waitress asked, holding a hand onto the open wound, "Now's the chance, go make a run for it!"

Flippy took that as a direct order rather than a request, and he wasted no time bolting out the door and across the street to his parked car. He Took the driver's seat and fired up the engine, leaving the parallel parking position and floored the accelerator, hearing the tires scream as he took down the street. The quick drive took no more than five minutes, and soon enough he found himself at the front yard of his house.

He hurriedly got out of the car and entered his house through the front door, locking all the locks from his balcony, backyard and front door, akin to a scared child who just escaped from a bully circle. He sighed heavily as he dropped down onto the couch and took out his mobile phone, thinking of which number to call.

The first number he wanted to call was Splendid's, being his best friend and such in situations like these. He soon remembered, however, that Splendid was away on leave for the past three days, and won't be back by 10:30 PM today. Checking the clock, Flippy noticed that it was only 8:57 PM at the moment, and the time won't come quickly enough.

The second number would be 911, but based off of his story to tell them, they would most likely throw him into a mental institution instead of actually providing help, and proceed to toss up a huge pile of legal bullshit crap.

He finally decided to call Sneaky, a pal of his during his days of deployment in the armed forces. While the two didn't have much contact for awhile now, they were still on fairly good terms with each other.

Flippy sighed and dialed the number on his mobile, hoping for it to connect faster. Eventually, the call was connected, a familiar voice returned through the speaker. "Hello?"

"Sneaky! Sneaky!" Flippy nearly shouted, but still managed to govern his voice, "Where are you right now?"

"Oh, hey Flippy! Didn't expect you to call in such a long time," Sneaky greeted quickly before getting back onto topic, "I'm currently at the Interstate, and it's gonna be a fifteen minute drive to your place."

"OK good," Flippy sighed a breath of relief, glad to hear that he was a reasonable time period away, "I need you to come ASAP- it's about my new girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Sneaky repeated, "What's the whole issue with that?"

"Never mind that," Flippy said, growing impatient and scared at the same time, "She's a freaking psychopath. I'll tell you more-"

Flippy's sentence was cut off in shock as he saw Flaky climbing in through his kitchen window, but not noticing him yet. Crap, how could he forget about the windows?!

"Actually, change of plans, don't come to my place!" Flippy managed in a loud whisper, hoping that he would not be detected just yet, "Go to Splendid's place! If he asks you why you came, just say that I sent you over for an emergency, ok?"

"Ohhh Flippy! I know you're home!" Flaky hollered, causing Flippy to hang up on the call and quickly tuck it away. She quickly noticed him at the living room, trying to walk off casually. "There you are!"

Just the sight of her face made Flippy freeze in fear, and she proceeded to shut and lock the window to block off his escape. She then proceeded to come up and hugged him, something that made him fearful and ticked off at the same time. Finding his voice again in the middle of it, Flippy attempted to regain initiative and to untangle himself with diplomacy. "Flaky, we need to talk."

"Talk?" she repeated, "Sure, let's talk! It's gonna be great on our relationship-"

"Being directly against it, actually." Flippy held up a hand, signaling her to halt. "Listen, ever since the beginning of our relationship, you never left me alone, like ever."

"Why aren't you wearing your camouflage?" Flaky asked again.

Taking a deep breath from the repetitiveness of the question, Flippy explained once more, "Look, I told you- I only wear that when I'm too lazy to care for my clothing. But that's not the point."

"I love it when you're acting all serious and stuff." Flaky admired out loud, veering off topic again.

"OK, whatever." Flippy rubbed his face, trying to clear himself up, "But look, ever since I asked you out three weeks ago, you've been nagging me non-stop. I only wanted you to be like what you were like at first, where you were actually being rational about your actions to the both of us."

"I love you." she piped down again, veering off topic.

"I wish you did actually love me," Flippy groaned at the old excuse, "Because if you loved me you wouldn't be treating me like this."

"I can't wait for the day when we'll get married, and have kids, and-" Flaky babbled on excessively, only to be halted again.

"Flaky, listen to me," the veteran swallowed, but didn't manage to get the lump down his throat, "What's going on is a huge misunderstanding- When I asked you out, I only wanted a friendship type of relation, not a complete over-attachment type. Hell, you even broke into the phonebook department and demanded them to find you my address- I saw that on the news!"

"Yeah, I just love giving you surprises," Flaky justified, still with an overly-excited child voice.

"OK, but whatever," Flippy pushed, ready to deliver the kill. "So by saying all of this, I mean that I want to break up with you, and that we just return to our starting positions, as if nothing happened. So, please, do us both a favor and leave."

"Oh, ok," Flaky said with a slightly lower voice, turning around to the door but reaching her hand out for Flippy.

"What?" Flippy questioned.

"Aren't you leaving with me?" Flaky asked.

"No, you leave, I stay, get it?" Flippy chuckled.

Flaky's voice deepened much more this time. While she still kept a smile on, her voice sounded much more sinister this time as she undid Flippy's pants. "I love you, Flippy. And you're going to love me back."

"What? Aren't you supposed to leave or some-"

Flippy was cut off as the smiling maniac withdrew the same FN pistol she used back at the diner to shoot the waitress and trained it at his chest.

"Ok, ok! I'll do it!" Flippy shouted in submission, taking his pants off.

What happened next is not appropriate for anyone under the age of 18, or practically anyone, considering the horrendous atrocities that happened. Censoring…

.

**1:38 AM, next morning…**

.

It has been a terrible night for Flippy. Flaky had practically forced him into submission with her acts of adultery, and she has managed to cut off all forms of communications to the outside world and barricaded the house in to prevent his escape. He has only pretended to sleep, hoping to make a run for it once she was in a sleep deep enough.

Determining that she was too embroiled in her slumber, Flippy moved slowly, inching out of the bed and tiptoeing out of the room, being sure to avoid any creaky areas.

'Well, that went better than I expected', he thought. He went to the laundry room to get a spare uniform he always kept, and to the living room to get his wallet, keys and phone. He was just in the middle of thinking how to get out silently when-

"Flippy? Flippy where are you?" a familiar voice hollered.

'SHIT!' Flippy thought mentally, looking for the nearest unboarded window, spotting one in the living room. He took a speaker from the television set and threw it against the glass, shattering it open for his escape route. He jumped out the window and ran towards his car, only to find out that the tires were slit.

"Flippy? Flippy?" she called out, approaching the window he broke.

Flippy didn't think twice- he was going to make a run for Splendid's place. However, the said voice was waiting for him just outside of the bushes, reminding him with a "Psst!"

"Over here!" Splendid said in a loud whisper.

Flippy followed the voice into a bush just a few meters across from him, finding Splendid and Sneaky hunched over with a periscope, looking over the bushes. Luckily there were no road lights in the part of the street they were hiding in, but the close proximity still makes hiding risky.

"We came as fast as we could when we heard you had trouble," Sneaky explained.

"Thanks guys," Flippy smiled legitimately for the first time in weeks, "Now let's get to your car and get out of here."

Splendid and Sneaky proceeded to cross looks and stammer off, "Uhhhh…"

"What? What's wrong?"

"Our car got stolen a while back, and we actually had to hitch-hike here." Splendid explained.

"Oh, great! How are we supposed to outrun that maniac now?" Flippy nearly shouted in frustration.

As if a response to them, a beaten up white van down the road approached them with its headlights. Sneaky, smiling, tipped off the others with a suggestion.

"Guys, I have an idea. Follow me when I move."

Splendid and Flippy nodded, unsure of the plan. Once the van got close enough, Sneaky jumped out of the bush and ran into the middle of the street, with Splendid and Flaky in pursuit. There, they waved and shouted at the van.

"HEY! WAIT! STOP, IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"

The drivers, Lifty and Shifty, were coming back from a successful raid on the bank. They were however utterly caught off guard at these three nincompoops shouting and waving in the middle of the road, and stopped their van right in front of the three.

"What the fuck's your problem? Can't you see that we just robbed-" Shifty started before he got apprehended.

Flippy and Splendid took the doors on the opposite sides of the van, opening up the door and quickly yanking their occupants out before taking control of the beaten up vehicle. Sneaky followed them in and shut the doors, just in time as Flaky noticed them

"Flippy! There you are! I've been-"

"Let's roll!" Flippy shouted, shifting into gear and flooring the accelerator to escape Flaky's wrath.

.

**And there's the end to this longer and more random than expected chapter. The next chapter would explain more of the random stuff that happened here.**

**PS: I forgot, this story was only supposed to be half serious, hence the randomness. Feel free to express your opinions inside the reviews!**


	3. Truth

**Note: Nope, I'm still writing this story, people. Just because I posted a new story didn't mean that I left this one hanging out in the gutter. This is (Hopefully) the last installment of this series.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, and I never will. Language was invented by god knows who, but definitely not me**

.

Lifty and Shifty woke up to the feeling of hard asphalt against their faces, but it wasn't like that it was the first time that something like this happened to them. But what really ticked them off was how they got apprehended in such a simple maneuver, it made them want to prick themselves.

"Can't believe we lost our loot to three losers." Shifty groaned, getting off the ground.

"Yeah, that was the only successful robbery in seven months!" Lifty complained knowingly.

"Excuse me," a feminine voice joined in. The two turned around and faced to Flaky, who was just standing over them with her pistol. "Would you two be honored to help me to get back my lover?"

"Lover? What the hell?" Lifty remarked, only to be given a smack by his bigger brother Shifty to instruct him to change the conversation direction, "I mean, how much are we being paid?"

"Lifetime value." she told them flatly, seeing that she managed to catch their attention. "If you help me with my task for my higher command."

"Higher command?!" Both brothers asked, giving each other both a confused look.

"Yes. You see, I'm afraid that Flippy has found out about my motives and decided to get away from me," Flaky explained to the dazed raccoons, "But since he found out, I have decided that he is no longer of use to me."

"What are you talking about?" Lifty questioned, "And what is this whole scheme of yours with Flippy?!"

"You see, about ten years ago back during the war against the Tiger General, Flippy's evil half, Fliqpy, has single handedly decimated the vast majority of the General's formations, without the aid of his own soldiers. Although he has been cured by the fool of a retard known as Lumpy, we believe that it is still possible up to now to bring out his evil half by pushing his sanity to the limits."

"What's your point here?" Shifty scratched his head, confused.

"My point is, that by working as an undercover agent and becoming an overly attached girlfriend of his, it will hopefully drive him insane the next time he's drafted, and spontaneously cause his evil half to kill his own comrades before the Tiger soldiers attack."

There was a minute of silence between the three under a lamppost with the raccoon brothers mouths gawped wide, "Whaat?"

"But seeing that he has attempted to get away from me, I am figuring that he has already figured out my scheme, and is going to proceed to tell everyone about me being an undercover agent. The only logical solution now is to eliminate him and his contacts from the picture," Flaky concluded, void of emotion.

Although feeling shocked for just the moment of hearing the plan, Shifty soon regained his color again and began talking for both his brother and himself, "We'll do it, to avenge our past defeats from those bastards that apprehended us. When do we start?"

"You two promise not to betray me, or else I have to cut you all down on orders from high command." Flaky stated flatly, drawing out her firearm at the brothers.

Seeing the pistol made it a lose-lose situation, especially if they failed in their task, "We promise- we will hold it down to the bitter end."

"Good." Flaky nodded, handing them a slip of paper and a notebook. "This is my contact information, along with the information about Flippy. It contains everything- his list of friends, work hours, jobs and all the else."

"How will we get paid?" the younger thief, Lifty asked, still unsure how they will get paid at this current pace.

"We will wire your funds via Bitcoin, a traceless currency." Flaky explained.

"Ohhh, ok," the twins sighed, glad that their deal was sealed. "We'll work top notch to get Flippy and his crew to justice in their graves!"

Flaky watched as the kleptomaniac twins ran off down the street, giving each other a clap and their trademark chuckle every time they get something of opportunity. Sighing, she took out her disposable cellphone and dialed a number, looking around for any peeking eyes. Once the call was connected, she held her breath, awaiting her superior's orders.

"Hello?" the all too familiar gruff voice came back at her, as if it was a whip.

"Yes, it's me, Flaky sir." the porcupine replied solemnly.

"Ah, is the deed completed?" the corrupt commander asked, not hiding his over enthusiasm.

Inhaling, Flaky said, "I'm afraid not, sir. I have hired two associates when I have been compromised."

There was a moment of silence before a bloodcurdling cry came back on the line, "WWHHHHHAAAAATTT?!"

"I'm sorry sir, but I did exactly what you said," Flaky reasoned, trying to excuse her way out of the situation, "But you told me to become overly attached in order to drive him insane when he would eventually ask me out-"

"Never mind that," the general came back, calming himself down a bit, "It's that if Flippy is in the picture, you know what happened last time- I still get the chills when I think about body parts and gallbladders in my pizza."

"So what do we do?" Flaky now asked, clearly in a panicked state.

"We have to delay the invasion of Happy Tree State for one week," the general explained, with his voice clearly losing its cool, "We need the time to get more military hardware and supplies, along with raising more manpower within our formations."

"Yes sir," Flaky saluted, "I'm still in the process of hunting him down, since the driving him insane scheme failed."

"Good," he sighed, now feeling more relaxed in a sense of false security, "Take him out if possible- I will wait for your signal if he's taken out to commence the attack."

"Not a problem." she replied.

"Excellent. I will rule the Happy Tree nation even if I have to reduce it to ashes!" the general saluted to himself, before hanging up the call.

Flaky too turned off her cellular device once she heard the line disconnected sound in her speaker. She tucked the square shaped device away and jumped into a bush, concealing herself in the late night darkness and brush. It was going to be a long week ahead of her.

.

**Five days before attack…**

.

Flippy, Splendid and Sneaky relaxed back in the soft folding chairs on the patio. Ever since their escape from Flaky the relationship extremist, they had all taken up refuge at Sneaky's cottage, who's relative remote location gives them a better chance of getting away undetected. They also have taken note of the loot they managed to unintentionally acquire from Lifty and Shifty when they robbed the robbers of their van, although Splendid constantly complained that there were no raw food items for them to bake cookies with.

Although enjoying the shade and calm lake breeze from just across the porch, Flippy still did not forget about the events happening just a few days ago. While he was grateful that he was finally away from that maniac for the first time in weeks, he still felt bad for not confronting his issue directly and just getting it out of the picture. It was up until now, he decided to take on his issues directly instead of hiding from it.

"Say guys," Flippy asked, "How do you think I should confront Flaky?"

"Who cares?" Splendid replied, standing up now. "You're away from her, isn't that good enough?"

"Yes, yes I know its great to not have your life crammed full of her," Flippy asserted to his friend, "But there's just some things you have to accomplish, or else it just won't be satisfied."

"I know what you mean, but how do we detach an over attachment?" Sneaky asked, ignorant of the larger picture currently at hand.

"I don't know, and I honestly don't really care," Flippy groaned, "Just anything that works for me would satisfy the current scenario, no regards to the future or past."

"I'll get some drinks." Splendid suggested, quite off topic when comparing to the chatter at hand.

"Sure, thanks for that," Sneaky thanked as Splendid disappeared into the kitchen behind the mesh screen.

"So how do I get away from her?" Flippy repeated, seeing that his question wasn't answered yet.

"You gotta do something that would be totally immoral to her to cause her to hate your guts," Sneaky explained broadly, not giving a specific explanation.

At that time, Splendid came back with a tray of soda cans, "Drinks are here, enjoy."

"Oh, thanks," Flippy said, grabbing a can and cracking it open before taking a long sip out of the container, "Now what would be totally immoral that would cause her to hate me that much?"

"Something disgusting that girls would totally hate," Splendid said, "Like going into the girls room and licking the toilet bowls while she's looking."

"Or you could wear a ton of makeup and dresses to the point that its flaking off your skin," Sneaky suggested, being far more innocent that Splendid's twisted ideology.

"DUDE! That's just fucking gay, who would give up their manliness for girly crap?!" Splendid shot, disregarding the potential sexist sentiment within his argument.

Sparking up an idea when Splendid said his sentence, Flippy blurted, "EUREKA! I KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW! Thanks so much you guys!"

"Huh? What did we say?" Sneaky asked, still confused at his friend's sudden outburst of acclaimed creativity.

"Don't you see?!" Flippy reasoned, still spirits high, "I just have to be gay, and show that I'm not interested with her! Then she's bound to hate me or at least stay away from me!"

"WHAT?!" Splendid blurted, "How does that work?! Who will you find as a male partner?"

"How does that possibly work?" Sneaky sighed, once again tired of going through his green friend's outlandish suggestions.

"Look," Flippy reasoned, unthwarted from their persuasive efforts, "Being gay doesn't force you to go through the rules of violating gender barriers, and besides, I only have to look like that I'm acting gay for it to work- I don't have to be actually gay."

Hearing a more in depth plan made the two settle down a little, "Ohhh, I see- so we're not forced to commit anal rape on you just to make this scheme work, right?"

"Nope," Flippy whistled, "Just have to make it visually similar- then we hope for the best to cause her to break up with me."

"Good, cause we don't want to actually commit sexual acts on a man," Splendid breathed a sigh of relief, "Imagine how crude incest would be between us-"

"Did I say it had to be sexual?" Flippy sighed, face palming himself over his blue friend's over the top thinking.

"No, but you have to think of the possibilities if its forced." Sneaky reasoned rather off topic again.

"Look, whatever," Flippy lectured, "All you guys have to do the next time we see Flaky is to pretend to say that we're all boyfriends, ok? Say it loud enough for her to hear, she's bound to crack up after that."

"Oh alright," both of his friends agreed somewhat reluctantly, "But if we get into trouble for this, its all your fault, is this correct?"

"You bet, I got myself into this, and I'm going to work my way out of this." Flippy stated, before his phone started vibrating in his pocket. "Excuse me a second, I have a message."

Reading the new message, Flippy discovered that it was a email sent from their local commander, instructing them to report to the local military base for further instructions tomorrow. He still questioned himself for the reason, as it was not listed within the message.

"What? What is it this time?" Sneaky asked.

"Military deployment, they want us to report to the local base tomorrow," Flippy explained.

"What?" Sneaky repeated, "Then we gotta complete your plan today!"

"Yes, I know," Flippy clenched his hand into a fist, "It's best done today, but it can still wait for tomorrow."

"I understand." Splendid nodded.

With that said, the three got back into the stolen van and drove off back into the city, in hopes of completing their task and nailing down the coffin once and for all.

.

**Two days before attack…**

.

Lifty and Shifty were having a strenuous week, trying to find information about Flippy but with no luck. While they were able to trace all sources on Flaky's notepad back to the original to prove to themselves that she wasn't lying, they were unable to find Flippy, as he went into hiding from the public. So far, it was only two days left before the invasion deadline and they were still out of luck.

"Guh…" Lifty groaned, slamming his face down onto his computer's keyboard, "Still no luck in finding him."

"Well we gotta keep looking," Shifty persuaded, taking another gulp out of his caffeniated energy drink, "We don't get paid for nothing, you know."

"I know, but I searched up all the websites and houses in our town and nothing," Lifty complained. "We're done for, we can't find him anywhere- he just disappeared!"

"Did you check Facebook." Shifty asked calmly.

"What?" his younger brother questioned, unaware.

"I said, did you check on Facebook?" Shifty asked again.

"No, why?" Lifty answered truthfully.

"Dude, if you stalk his Facebook page, you'll be able to find out all the sensitive data he hides from us," Shifty explained, as if he was an Elementary school teacher teaching his students basic addition.

"OK, lets see, , find people, Flippy, Happy Tree Town." Lifty muttered to himself over the taps of keyboard keys.

"Excellent," Shifty clapped as he saw Flippy's profile picture and his timeline which was not censored to the public, "Let's get stalking over his past and previous events."

"Let me see…" Lifty said, scrolling down the page, "Here it says: '2012- stocked up on half a ton worth of non-perishable foods and water, and built a nuclear bomb shelter for the upcoming apocalypse'."

"What a believer, who would ever think that shit was real?!" Shifty laughed at his enemy's pathetic attempt.

"There's a lot of stories in 2013, you want me to skip it?" Lifty asked for the permission from his superior.

"No, don't skip it, I want to see what other pathetic attempts he has failed at throughout last year," Shifty laughed.

"Here we go…" Lifty held his breath, ready to laugh, "February 2013- Upper decked Lumpy's toilet for trashing my car with a refrigerator."

"Anything else?" Shifty chuckled, but managing to bite it back.

"May 2013- Ate two buckets worth of KFC and three bottles worth of prune juice, got explosive diarrhea in the middle of a semi-formal party with Lammy next to me, which got splattered." Lifty managed between the sniggers.

"What a retard," Shifty laughed enthusiastically with his younger brother, "What about us? Is there anything about us in there?"

"Yes, yes there is…" Lifty said, this time in a solid voice, "September 2013- Just had the weirdest dream last night. It was about Lifty and Shifty getting gay and fucking ponies… man, what is wrong with that movie?!"

"Err… huh?" Shifty paused, somewhat lost for words, "OK, now let's skip ahead, and just find what we need from this perverted fuck."

"Here we are- it says as of Tuesday, he has been back on military service at the local military base, and is filling up the task of the previous batch of reservists." Lifty reported to his brother.

"Excellent." was the only reply before a pause, "Now that he's in town again, we can get rid of him easier."

"Good. Let's call Flaky-"

"No." Shifty stopped, "If we eliminate him without the help of Flaky, we should get a larger reward than when we ask for assistance from her, am I right?"

"Yes, yes I see what you mean here," Lifty comprehended. "Let's do this."

The thieving brothers proceeded to gather up their tools for their operation, consisting of firearms, explosive devices and a laptop, used as an detonator. Shifty also took a cellphone and proceeded to dial a number, to make a contact for some associates of his.

"Hello?" the voice came to Shifty over the phone.

"Yes Splendont, its me." Shifty replied, "Listen, your men and you will have some good fun with us today if you help us take out a target."

"Who are these targets you say?" Splendont asked.

"It consists of Flippy, his best friend and your arch nemesis, Splendid," Shifty listed truthfully.

"Excellent- In that case, I'll be over ASAP." Splendont cheered up, wanting to take that opportunity to strike back against his nemesis.

.

**One day before the attack…**

.

Splendid, Flippy and Sneaky have all arrived at the army base a few days ago, receiving new uniforms and weapons since their last service period. It was now their turn to fill up the ranks of their local defence forces, as the last batch of reservists left to recuperate. Although they were supposed to be waiting to be briefed on a new mission, all of them spent their time fooling off with their scheme to show Flaky that Flippy is 'gay'.

"OK guys, so you know what to do now, right?" Flippy asked, "So when she comes, you both say that you're proud of me being gay, and then you take your pants off but keep your underwear on, got it Splendid?"

"I think." Splendid sighed, "But isn't there a simpler way to do this?"

"I doubt so at this point," Flippy shook his head sadly, "The only way now is to show her in the hardest way possible that we don't want business with her with that type of behavior, seeing that the peaceful ones have failed."

Their chatter, along with any chatter from their fellow soldiers have all stopped once they saw the commander walk in. He was a tall gray bear, wearing a lighter officer's uniform and bearing an arm patch of an eagle, symbolizing his rank as a Colonel. He cleared his throat harshly to get everyone's attention towards him.

"Good morning gentlemen," the commander initiated, "Today's briefing is about an ongoing series of suspicious activity within Happy Tree Town."

"As you all know, the Tiger General has been inactive for well over ten years since the last attack, and-" the Colonel paused before taking a look at Splendid's contrasting Green uniform from everyone else's, "Major Splendid, what in good grief are you doing here?"

"I thought the briefing was taking place here," Splendid replied truthfully.

"Briefing for airmen like you take place across the barracks," the Colonel sighed.

"Oh, my bad," Splendid justified as he got up and walked out the door.

"Uh oh, RETARD ALERT!" a random soldier stood up with a waitresses' bell, ringing it around while shouting out his disturbingly annoying phrases, "EVERYONE RETARD ALERT!"

"Would you please shut the hell up, Johnny?!" Flippy sighed, giving him a blow across the jaw and sending him back into his chair, quieting him down.

"Thank you Sergeant," the commander resumed again, "Now as I was saying, there has been absolutely no activity from this group in well over ten years- it is getting highly suspicious that they are preparing for a major attack anytime soon."

The projector then turned on, displaying the picture of an all familiar blue tiger, with an eye patch and a robotic arm along with two shorter ones in an uniform and carrying weapons, much to everyone's familiarity. "This here is the Tiger General himself, and these here are his soldiers."

While the next slide was a shocker for Flippy and Sneaky, it largely only amused the rest of the personnel when it displayed a picture of a red porcupine. "This here is Flaky, a manipulative sleeper agent that works for the general. While she looks harmless, she is capable of destroying the minds of even the most hardened soldiers in our ranks- so stay alert."

Eyes wide, Flippy only managed to Sneaky, "Jesus Christ, dude."

"I know." he replied back, in an understanding voice.

"Is there a problem, Sergeant Flippy?" the commander asked, hearing Flippy's voice.

"Yes- why is she working for the Tiger General?" Flippy asked, putting a hand up.

"Well," the commander started, "All we know so far is that she was more or less forced into his business- She was originally an ordinary citizen, but as everyone made fun of her shyness, she got tired out and vowed to get revenge someday. She did so by joining forces with the Tiger General."

Flippy only nodded in comprehension.

"So far only the 29th Infantry division and 5th light division is available in garrison, largely inadequate to resist against any major offensive," the Colonel continued, "But the 5th Army is arriving soon to secure the borders of our town and surrounding countryside from attack."

"Your task is to patrol the streets, watching for any suspicious activity. Radio us if you find anything. Dismissed!" he concluded, leaving the room with the soldiers following.

.

"Looks like we won't be needing that whole acting gay scheme anymore," Sneaky sighed in relief, "Just imagine the embarrassment we will receive!"

"Yes, but look at the situation now," Flippy countered, holstering his rifle as they passed a Seven-Eleven shop, "Things are even worse off now, as we realized that Flaky is a mentally crazy sleeper agent that is specialized in manipulation."

"There's that," Sneaky agreed, before propping his ears up to a garage door in the meanwhile, "Hey wait a minute, do you hear that?"

"What?" Flippy questioned.

"CHARGE!" A voice came out from the garage door as it suddenly opened. Lifty and Splendont charged out the door and tackled Sneaky to the floor and knocking him out cold, while Shifty and The Rat did the vice versa to Flippy.

"Bingo," Shifty clapped as his crew dragged the two unconscious figures back into the garage, disarming them and propping them up onto the garage wall.

As Lifty shut the garage door and Splendont attached an explosive device onto their targets and hooked it up to the laptop, where a countdown timer was initiated. Shifty only put the weapons out of instant reach from the soldiers, as he knew that they were in a lose-lose situation at this rate. He was going to kill them, but not without having a bit of fun first.

Waking up briefly later, Flippy looked around and saw Shifty, Lifty, The Rat and Splendont training their pistols at them, wearing large grins on their faces. He saw Sneaky to his right, and with an explosive charge strapped onto his vest. Panicking, he looked down and saw that the same was true to him.

"Well, looks like we caught you with your pants down this time, didn't we Mr. Flippy?" Shifty taunted, unthwarted by their mad looks and the fact that they weren't restrained.

"You won't get away with this." Flippy countered, still keeping cool.

"Oh we will, and with Flaky's help, we would get away with anything from now on!" Lifty corrected them.

Now more shocked than mad, Flippy asked, "Flaky hired you?"

"Yes, ever since how her plan to drive you insane and cause you to kill your allies failed, we were hired to terminate you and your contacts in preparation of the delayed attack due tomorrow."

"Curse you bitch…" Flippy muttered silently under his breath.

"Wait a minute, aren't you guys afraid that you're going to kill yourselves when the bombs on us go off?" Sneaky asked.

"Not at all, they're shaped charges, meaning that it would only be focused on you guys, not us." Splendont explained.

"Any last words?" The Rat taunted, taking out the laptop connected to the explosives, counting down from 10.

"No, no words for this time." Sneaky said solemnly, filling up for Flippy's voice along with his.

The two watched as the timer counted down from 10, and the thieving scums tuck away their guns to wave mock goodbyes at them. He closed his eyes as the counter counted from 3, then 2 and one….

And then, nothing happened.

Opening an eye, Flippy saw the thieves smacking their laptop furiously, as it inconveniently displayed a blue screen of death for them. Wasting no time, the two tried to get the explosives off to no avail, before just dashing for their guns and taking cover behind some boxes.

"Looks like were not going down that easily, aren't we?" Flippy said, now with his tone back. He flipped off the safety of his M4 and got the burglars within his red dot sights.

"Not when we make the charges blow up first!" Splendont declared, showing them the timer from their hurried laptop repair. Much to their dismay, it has been reset back to Fifteen minutes from before the system crash. "Oh fuck…"

"Attack!" the green bear ordered, pulling down the trigger on cue with his reptilian friend. Their guns barked, and cut through The Rat and Shifty up like butter, and soon followed Splendont when he managed to draw out his pistol and futily fired a few shots at them, only to miss from the stopping power of the incoming projectiles.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE WITHOUT GETTING PAID!" Lifty cried, climbing for the roof from the ladder to escape, only to have his head shattered by a bullet from Sneaky.

Just then, a Leopard 2 Main Battle Tank and a jeep pulled over next to the garage, followed by a fellow comrade opening up the door and waving at them, "Are you two alright?"

"Yeah, we're fine, just get these things off us," Sneaky pointed at the inert explosive charges. The combat engineers wasted no time, and managed to dispose of them in a flash.

"Guys, we have good news and bad news of the upcoming attack," Flippy raised a hand.

"Good news first," The tank commander ordered, propping himself out of the hatch.

"The good news is that the attack has been delayed," Flippy told them.

"Good, now what's the bad news?"

"The attack is scheduled for tomorrow…"

.

**Well, there it is. Here's the massive twist I wanted to insert ever since the start of this story. Go ahead, kill me for making this an unconventional Flippy/Splendid/Flaky story- Freedom of speech demanded me to put this somewhere, right?**

**(Pulls down charts) Reviewing this story may be beneficial to your physical health, and improve the overall quality of this story. Stay tuned for a surprise!**


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